" True Relationships" Marriage is the greatest of all institutions in both sacred and secular law, basically since human kind began to walk on the earth. The lofty status and importance of marriage in all cultures – not just Catholic or Christian – is easily recognized as the ‘foundation’ of all societies in the world from lowly peasant to royalty. Even the humblest tribal nation on earth, functioning outside of so-called ‘civilized society’ practice rites and rituals to bring couples together in mutual commitment.
We need only think of the many different, yet basic ‘civil and political’ structures which have evolved out of the marriage bond: beginning with families, then various tribes, clans and communities; finally countries, and ultimately nations. Marriage helps organize us into responsible, capable beings, able to manage and navigate our environment safely and comprehensively. But Jesus chastises the Pharisees for their adherence to this kind of logical, human-based approach to relationship via ‘The Law of the Prophets’ which contrasts sharply, even coldly, with God’s true intent for relationships. In Genesis, humanity is born from God’s creative hand, his initial intent to beget one flesh from another – as Adam begets Eve – thus establishing ‘two’ bodies. Yet, Jesus also re-affirms God’s ultimate desire for them to come back together again as ‘one’ flesh, but in a ‘symbolic and mystical way.’ With this, Jesus refreshes, not changes, the Law of the Prophets into the Law of Love from which all true relationships come. So, it shouldn’t surprise us that the contentions and disputes concerning the ‘dissolution’ of a marriage through divorce and/or annulment are just as hot topics today as they were in Mose’s and Christ’s time. But it might help calm the issue a little, if we look at some of the recent findings theologians, historians, even archaeologists are uncovering. In their research of scripture, writing styles of the time, cultural norms and historical practices, plus the ‘motives’ of the biblical writers themselves, these academics found even the writers of the gospels, trying to be faithful to Christ’s teaching, still invoked their own interpretation or ‘spin’ on this challenging issue, while, in general, stating it and quickly moving through it beyond the controversy it created in their own time. Mark, known for his adventurous, climactic style, summarizes the matter as quickly as possible, far more concerned with getting to the salvation message of Jesus. “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” The End! No more discussion. He quickly moves on. Matthew 19.3-12 takes Mark’s original gospel, quoting it much word for word, but removing any mention of the woman’s incentive to remarry, formatting his gospel to appeal to the Jewish perspective of marriage in which women did not have any say in the matter – unlike the Romans where women, ironically, were normally the first to file for divorce before their husbands. Matthew even prefers to highlight Christ’s new perspective that monogamy is God’s true will for us. Celibacy “on account of the kingdom” was a praiseworthy state to be in, though not for everyone. Luke 16.17-19, using his medical professional instincts, takes a doctor’s approach: ‘It is easier for heaven and earth to pass away, than for one stroke of a letter in the law to be dropped. Thus, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and whoever marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery”. Then he also quickly shifts from this matter, a sensitive one for his gentile audience as well, to refocus on the Lord’s message of love and salvation. John’s gospel? Except for the Wedding at Cana, with its sole purpose to show Christ’s power and divinity, John does not even mention the matter of divorce. This has not made it easy for the Church to ratify with 100% accuracy the moral repercussions of ending a marriage, perhaps due to a life and death matter? Daniel J. Harrington, S.J., in his ‘Sacrina Pagina’ commentary, tells us what is important is the truth of what Christ truly wanted to teach us about relationship: “authentic, ‘true’ relationship with God and each other: “The issues of marriage and divorce [and celibacy] … remain just as controversial today [as they were thousands of years ago]. [But] often the debated aspects distract attention from the larger, basic intent of Jesus’ teachings. [i.e.] That the ideal of marriage as a lifelong commitment in which two people become one remains a magnificient (if not [understandably] difficult and elusive) ideal, a striking challenge in Christ’s time [just] as it is to the values of modern Western societies.” From the 1960s when we heard Tammy Wynette singing D-I-V-O-R-C-E to our more modern sensibility and knowledge of the multi-faceted mind and relational needs of human beings, we need to assess all our life situations with the Law of Love, the Law of the Heart – certainly not only with the Law of Logic. Marriage is a blessed, divine vehicle for the growth and maturity of each spouse both as individuals and as a couple on their life journeys. But the marital issues a couple may face can go from challenging to dangerous to deadly. We have shelters for women and children for a reason. Blessed are the psychologists, social workers and pastoral care givers who are helping these distraught couples cope, and if necessary, to ensure their safety and well-being when separation may be necessary. In his beloved book, ‘The Prophet’, Kahlil Gibran reminds us to, ‘stand together, yet not too near, as the pillars of the temple stand apart; let there be spaces in your togetherness, as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music; give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping, for only the hand of [God] can contain your hearts,” (paraphrased from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran). – Rev Fr Christopher Tracey, Saint Joseph Parish, Saugeen Shores, Ontario
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Father's Blog
Rev. Fr. Christopher Tracey
St. Joseph Parish Pastor Archives
January 2022
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